Day Three Without Oliver

So, this was my third day without you, Oliver. I'll admit that I am still oh so very sad to see you go but I'm doing better. Its just that you were so a part of my routine, my life, and my thought processes that its hard to break out of that. Especially living here, without thinking I will turn to go up the stairs and expect to see you laying at the top step waiting for me but you aren't there so it makes me sad. I suppose it doesn't help that we have your stuffed Build-A-Bear replica at the top step - slightly strange but it was a gift a few years ago. I look over to your big brown recliner and expect to see a little white fuzz ball laying there but you are nowhere to be found. I go into the kitchen and think I might see you waiting out on the porch to be let back in. I remember when I used to flick the light on and off when I wanted you to come in, and yes sir I did teach you to come in when I flickered the light on the porch. All of these little things build up throughout the day. There are so many memories built into this house that I can't find a corner of the house that don't have a good memory of us.

Its probably a little weird that I keep writing to you like this, but Katie told me to stop posting such depressing Facebook statuses to I decided to bring those over to this blog. I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not normal. I feel like only you really 'got' me. I have a terrible time socializing and connecting with people. I have few real friends. I feel like I fall on the Autism Spectrum sometimes, but you helped me bridge the gap. You were a very convenient segue and one heck of a conversation starter and it eased my social anxiety. Lord knows I take forever to warm up to somebody but when you were involved, I could go on socializing like its no big deal.

Generally, I keep my emotions bottled up inside, but I'm glad I actually let them out this time and allowed myself to heal more naturally. Its been tough, as I've told you, but talking about it as much as I have has really sped up my grieving process. Sure I felt a little mopey today, but I was much less mopey than the day before and I didn't even choke up at all today. I have even put my mind to the future and toyed with the idea of a new dog. Try not to get jealous, Oliver, I know how territorial and protective you were of me, but rest assured no one, no dog, will ever take your place in my heart.

I haven't washed my blankets yet and they still smell like you :) I'll call within the next week to have the carpets professionally cleaned to get out all of your little messes everywhere.

Good night, Oliver. I miss you terribly so.
<3